The Realm of eViL rEbO

Beware, all ye that enter here...

Lurking in the dark corners of the Internet, watching from the shadows, waiting to strike at the most opportune times. Despiser of dubs and dubbies alike, tormentor of the weak, and the enemy of stupidity in all it's many forms...she is the one, the only, eViL rEbO!

Since 1998, I've been writing MSTings in the form of what I called "rants" and had the ranter be my evil side, eViL rEbO. This was long before I knew that the show Mystery Science Theater 3000 and it's Internet counterpart, the MSTing, even existed and that I was actually re-inventing the wheel. eViL rEbO gained a following on the Pretty Soldier Sailormoon Mailing List, and then again on the Sailor Moon FanFiction HeadQuarters Mailing List, though some people on the latter weren't quite sure what a MSTing was. Even though I am now a fan of MST3K and post traditional MSTings to MSTing archives, eViL rEbO has never had her own permanent archive or been submitted to a MSTing archive. This is due to the fact that

1) I never asked permission from the original authors
2) Some of the fanfics were already MSTed and I didn't want to seem a hack
3) The old ones REALLY SUCK!

However, I know that she still has her fans, so I decided to give eViL rEbO her own home on the web, and since the old mailing lists are pretty much dead anyway, she needs a more visible place. So, here, without further ado, is her realm. Right now, only her rants are availible, but you never know with eViL rEbO and her Bovine Army...she can be a tricky one.

Last Updated 12/31/02: New rant! Read about the trials of high school in yet another fanfic that was so lousy it gave up on itself before finishing, Broken Hearted by Dreameress! Also, new section on non-eViL rEbO MSTing projects.

I hope to have new versions of the older rants, because I started writing them in 8th grade. I get embarassed reading the older ones. If you're confused about a riff...don't worry, I don't understand a lot of riffs in the old ones either.

A Bizarre Change
By Julia :o)
The one that started it all. The Sailor Senshi begin fighting with each other for no reason, until Luna finds a talisman with the power to give one of them stronger powers. So they fight and bicker some more, plus someone undergoes the bizarre change hinted at in the title. So afraid was I of getting banned for cursing that even the lightest cusses were covered with a [bleep]. Of course, in 8th grade, I just assumed cussing was funny, no matter how out of place it was.

Alex and Serena: Jealousy
By: The ImMoRtAl PeNgUiN
Rei is jealous that Serena is always obsessed over by boys. However, what she hates the most is that Alex (the author's name for Haruka) is ALSO in love with Serena. This whole chapter is pretty much Rei screaming about how much she hates Serena. I found a link to it on a website called The Bin, a website with two fanfic MSTings and links to some bad fanfics they felt should be MSTed. After I had released several parts, Damien Karolev also released a MSTing of the same story, using Haruka and Michiru. You can find it up at Website #9, a gigantic MSTing archive, under the Sailor Moon section. I actually received two e-mails when I posted this to a fanfiction list telling me they liked the story, but wished that I'd take out the "distracting" comments *rolls eyes*

Alex and Serena: Hate & Love Rei wanders around Tokyo ranting, but is largely ignored. Alex, after brushing off a braindead Michiru (renamed "Michelle"), runs over to Serena's house, where she and Serena share a little romance. I'm probably not the only one saying-HUH?

Alex and Serena: A Common Goal We finally see Darien who's getting dreams about Serena cheating on him. Meanwhile, Serena starts crying about not being able to decide between Darien (who's been cast as a regular jerk) and Alex (who has been cast as Prince Charming), as the plot continues to go absolutely nowhere.

Alex and Serena: The Truth Comes Out Darien finally decides to peek into Serena's window to check on her and finds out about Serena's relationship with Alex. So he goes to tell Alex to leave Serena alone. Is it over yet?

Alex and Serena: Encounters Well, it's over now. Alex decides to break up with Serena, and fortunately for both Alex and Serena, their lovers are dumb as bricks and completely ignore their infidelities. I can't believe I had such a dirty mind in 8th grade... there's quite a bit of odd inneundo in this one.

Sailor Moon X: Episode 1
By: Jim
Probably the worst of the rants. I knew the series was rank, but for some reason, I decided to write in my friend Simone as a fellow ranter with eViL rEbO. She's a really funny person, but a MSTer she is not. Anyway, this is the first chapter of the Sailor Moon X series. All that happens here is that Hades and his evil Ninjas show up to steal people's pure energy. Their first target: Darien. Watch for extreme characterizations and silly situations. Maybe, when I write the new version, I'll MST a few more chapters. It's a really goofy series.

Sailor Moon Live-Action Movie/Series
By: ?
One day, on the Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon Mailing List, one of the members passed along an e-mail that a friend had given them, describing what they at first thought was going to be the rumored American Sailor Moon live-action movie. The second e-mail added more, and claimed that it was not a movie, but in fact, a live-action American TV series. In this movie/series, Lord Zeonite shows up with the Negatrons, but never you fear-Sailors Sun, Earth, Uranus, Neptune, and Saturn join the Scouts in their fight against Zeonite. Oh, did I mention the new Sailors are all men? I just wish I was a little less opinionated about the show...a lot of my opinions on the relationships have now changed.

Sailor Moon X-Files
By: Sailor Cat
Short: Where Do Monsters Come From?
By: Little Person
It had been several months since I'd written anything, so I took two fanfics and riffed em' together. The main feature was actually riffed at The Bin, but silly me felt I could do better. Since The Bin no longer exists, you can't really judge which is better. So, as far as the plot is concerned, in the first one, a deranged Minako tries to kill Artemis for ruining a Sailor V poster. In the second, the Sailor Senshi are visiting America for no particular reason, and are given a tour of the FBI building by Mulder and Scully. Mulder is harrassed by the author, who added herself as a character. Features one of the most ridiculous Sailor Senshi in existence.

In an eViL rEbO first, the original author of Sailor Moon X-Files actually found the rant and e-mail me about it! Fortunately, it was not a flame, and the author was very nice to talk to. She was able to explain some of the story's oddities (i.e. D.P. Gumby was an inside joke), and also wondered where the hell I found the fanfic. As I confessed, I got it off of the long-gone The Bin website. Sadly, I have lost the e-mail and cannot share it with you, but felt this was an interesting footnote to this rant.

Serena's Love
Almost two years since eViL rEbO's rants began, I finally hit #10. This one uses the names and appearences of some of the characters from the show, but the characters don't act like their namesakes. The tomboyish Princess Serena realizes she is in love with Prince Darien (who has quite possibly hit his lowest IQ level in fanfiction!), but unfortunatly, he's in love with the icy, cruel, selfish, superficial yet sexy Brigit. Serena loves Darien for who he is, though, and wishes that he would not see people for their superficial appearences. GET IT?! GET IT?! Because it will be pounded into your head throughout the entire fanfic.

Serena and the Wish Crystal
By: Azure Annege
Queen Beryl decides to give Serena a wish crystal so that Serena will wish for something incredibly stupid and thus the Negaverse will be able to conquer the Earth. Unfortunatly for Beryl, her minions are idiots. Unfortunatly for the reader, everyone in the fanfic is an idiot. You can tell I was writing traditional MSTings by this point in time because I adapted the traditional format for them, only for me to abandon it later. Probably not one of eViL rEbO's better outings.

Doom Princess
By: Laura
eViL rEbO's first (and so far, only) rant based on a submitted story. For some reason, Serena was brainwashed before the beginning of the story by the evil Selena and became the Doom Princess, where she apparently becomes a psychopath who complains about her manicure. Serena's cousin Laura tells Darien she wants the silver crystal, then she calls the Universal Steeds to help save Doom Princess, where the Steeds are promptly forgotten. There's no real backstory as to the events that have taken place before the fanfic, so your guess is as good as anyone's about what the heck is actually going on.

Neptune's Sacrifice
By: Camusg
With Short: Prince Jake By: Sailor Star
Again, the main fanfic was taken from another MSTing. The original is also on Website #9. The MSTing was pretty good, but I wanted to take a crack at it myself, so I took out the comments and let eViL rEbO have at the original. I promise to never do that again. In the short, Queen Beryl of the Megaverse sends her brother, Prince Jake, to go get the Silver Crystal. Darien shows up with a new student named Jake, at which point the fanfic abruptly ends. In the next story, Neptune sacrifices herself for Haruka, who discovers that she was accidentally reincarnated as a girl, and she was supposed to be a man. Shades of SOS anyone?

Sailor Earth Trilogy: Earth's Delicate Petal By: Earth Princess
In a completely original plot device, Prince Darien's sister, the Princess of Earth during the Silver Millenium, is reincarnated as a Sailor Scout. At least her name's not Terra, but she's still insufferably annoying, plus there's the threat of her coming back. Part of a series I found on A Sailor Moon Romance that was billed as the "Sailor Earth Trilogy," despite having only two parts.

Broken Hearted
By: Dreameress
Ripped from the scripts of several lousy teen movies, Serena is this story's Pretty Ugly Girl[tm], who Lives In A Shell[tm] and is the School Outcast[tm]. The story opens with her crying over a rather heartless break-up letter from The Mean Jock[tm], Darien, then enters a flashback with Serena at school on the day that Darien takes A Bet[tm] so he can humiliate Serena for no damn reason at all. The author swears, it's only a little like "She's All That."

Though eViL rEbO has covered many MSTing projects on her own, the day had to come when I would tackle some MSTings based off of the TV show's continuity. The majority of these have nothing to do with Sailormoon, so I feel I can get away with it. The group MSTings I participated in are all Daria fanfics, by the way, and all point off-site to Website #9.

Darians untold Temper(sic)
By: Chibi Usa
My first non-eViL rEbO MSTing, and it shows. The fanfic itself tells of a doomed pizza dinner with Serena and Darien. In a very bizarre scene, Serena breaks a plate and Darian mourns over the passing of "Phil the Plate." You just know you're relationship is going down the tube when your boyfriend turns to his tableware for companionship. After they order pizza and try to out-eat each other, Serena and Darian watch Ren and Stimpy. When Serena asks Darian about his parents, he suddenly snaps and beats her to a bloody pulp and she flees the apartment. All presented with some of the worst spelling and grammar this side of Dr. Thinker. At the time, making the election host segments tie in to the 2000 election seemed like a good idea, until I realized after release that these would date it rather quickly. Mind you, this MSTing was written and released in 1999, a year before the scourge of the dreaded Chads. Also hosted at Web Site #9.

Love Bites
By: Jamie
My first group MSTing where I headed the project. I knew I had to riff this one when I read the story back in the summer of 2000, and finally started it in 2001. It was released in early 2002 and remains one of my proudest accomplishments. This story was also a first because it was the first time I ever asked permission to MST a fanfic. Fortunatly, the author, Jamie, was a good friend of mine and was also a MSTie herself, so there were no problems.

This is a very odd sort of bandfic, starring song parodist "Weird Al" Yankovic and former Talk Soup host Hal Sparks. They're buddies who've been through some horrible kidnapping experience out in Albuquerque, courtesy of the dreaded The Gapp (two p's!). But that's incomprehensible backstory that shows up halfway through the story. Before that, they are selected by a pair of vampires, Melanie and Layla, as their new recruits for succubi. And it doesn't get any more logical than that. While working on the story, I attempted not to use any Weird Al song jokes for fear I'd be the only one who'd get them. To my surprise, when the riffs came back from my fellow MSTers, they had all used heapings of Al jokes. I kept most of them after that, figuring that if their were that many jokes out of so many writers, I wouldn't have any trouble.

In addition to my own projects, I have also contributed to several other MSTings as well.

The Misery Senshi Neo-Zero Double Blitzkrieg Debacle
By: Peter W. Guerin
Before you attempt to read this, I should warn you-it will take you a good month or so to plow through it. The entire MSTing is over 1MB in length. In addition to an overly long, tortuous story, the original fanfic also included a 40-page appendix so the author could inform you of just about every facet of Japanese culture, and then explain EVERY SINGLE JOKE HE MADE IN THE FANFIC.

This story is a crossover of Daria, Beavis and Butthead, and Sailor Moon. I can barely give a summary of the fanfic, but I'll give it my best. *deep breath* Daria, or rather the violent, unfunny sociopath that the author has replaced Daria's character with, has been invited to Japan by her e-mail pen pal, Mizuno Ami. Ami is going to Germany and recruits Daria to take her place as Sailor Mercury. Meanwhile, Lawndale is gearing up for the big Lawndale/Highland football game. Apparently, that date is ideal for not one, not two, but THREE terrorist organizations decide to wreak havoc, with two of them targetting that populous example of American greatness...Lawndale. One is a militia out to conquer the town, the other is some generic Middle Eastern terrorist group who steals the flight that Ami just HAPPENS to be on so he can crash it into Lawndale. The third sends one woman, Amazana Yoriko to steal a prototype jet plane. She succeeds and using her one plane, decimates all of Japan. This fanfic features the most terrifying scenes I have ever witnessed in a fanfic. From terrorist Akbar's forcing the entire hostage plane to sing Cat Stevens songs, to the ridiculous Solar Warrior revealing that he was practically every single important person in history, to Beavis and Butthead inexplicably becoming sexual monsters, and more breast shots than an entire season of La Blue Girl, this fanfic will pummel you mercilessly until all you can do is cry feebly for mercy to every single deity you can think of, even you if you are an atheist. The MSTing is good though.^_^

This, my friends, is truly fanfic hell. It was also my very first group MSTing. I was so over-whelmed by the size that, in my inexperience, I finally gave up on reading and riffing the whole thing and just riffed certain sections. I can still pick out the riffs I made that are in the final piece, but I didn't contribute nearly the amount the other authors did. Still, I enjoyed every minute of working on it and this remains a favorite MSTing of mine. Though I still think I was the only Sailor Moon fan on board, and as such, I tried to keep the jokes about the show accurate and tried to replace all occurences of "Scout" with Senshi. I didn't get all of them, and it doesn't really matter that much when you consider that anime bashing is in character for MST3K itself.

The Return of the Lawndale Militia
By: Peter W. Guerin
Hey, remember that mean ol' Lawndale Militia that Daria locked horns with in "Malaria Sushi Wonderbug?" Well wouldn't you know, they're back again, and they're out to kill Daria. But it seems they're not alone, because they're getting their weapons from a Japanese yakuza syndicate. Of course, you know that Peter loves crossovers, so Daria is sent to Japan once more and crossed overwith Koko wa Greenwood (Here is Greenwood) and Gunsmith Cats. In addition, our good friends Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen show up to be deus ex machinas towards the end of the story. This fanfic's evil points are the overly bloated cast of characters (watch the author list all 7,000 or so of them every few sentences!), the cast being able to flaunt all sorts of pesky legal issues without even addressing them and suffering no consequences, plus Daria getting gas from airline food! Ho ho! Your sides will heave from such hijinks, though probably more from nausea. Oh, and Peter threatens us with another sequel to end his "Lawndale Militia Trilogy," but thankfully, he never wrote it and seems to have entirely given up on Daria fanfics since the end of the series.

Again, being the anime freak that I am, I must have been one of the only MSTers in the project who actually knew what the hell those shows were. Unfortunately, I got involved in this project rather late and I'll be darned if I got more than two riffs in the final product. Yet, Matt Blackwell, our fearless leader, still found goodness in his soul to include my name. When I later went back to read the finished MSTing after the end of the project, I decided to do some light Gunsmith Cats and Greenwood research so I could have some idea how out of character the lesser known cast was. To my utter lack of surprise, Peter seems to have really screwed up the crossdressing, effeminate Shun. When Daria first meets him, he has just gotten some brand new breast implants, thus moving from transvesitite to transsexual, and he brags about all the men he's dated and fooled. Problem is, from what I garnished from the websites, Shun just likes dressing up as a woman and being feminine, even if it was forced on him by his crazy parents. He's still attracted to girls. If I'm wrong here, fans of Greenwood are free to contact me, at least until I can find a copy of the show to judge for myself. And I have yet to find a Greenwood site that even mentions the ghost Misako.

Triumph of the Retart
By: Peter W. Guerin
Pete just doesn't know when to quit, and thus comes this new tale of Daria's trials and tribulations. As it is a prequel of sorts to his Lawndale Militia trilogy, and as such involves no anime crossovers, no death planes, no ectoplasmic beings...just normal high school occurences such as hitmen, sexual abuse, suicide bombers, militant straight-edgers, and even Rage Against the Machine. I can't believe I just typed that. Yesl, this story is the tale of Daria learning about the poor, mistreated, abused, ignored Special Ed students. She even befriends one who immediatly Frenches her after she saves him from some bullies. It is love at first French, and soon David is glorified by the story as the whinier, wimpier, whiter version of Nelson Mandela because he is...running for Student Council President. Thus, Sandi, leader of the Fashion Club, decides to put the "retarts" in their place by defeating David. Eschewing typical campaign tactics of advertising and speeches, the Fashion Club decides to hire a hitman to kill David. Rage Against The Machine is called to give David support in his campaign. Oh, and for some reason, there is a black Baptist minister who sings, complete with Pete including the lyrics to all of his songs. It all makes sense when you...oh wait, no it doesn't. Oh, and there's two versions of this MSTing availible.

The link above leads to a version that has a rather graphic sex-scene edited out. This was necessary so that the MSTing could be included in that archive. Fortunately, Pete had run into the same problem and already had a version missing that horriffic scene. However, if you're brave enough, Matt Blackwell's site hosts the original, R-rated version. Besides the inclusion of this scene, there are no other differences between the two versions of the MSTing.

By this point, I felt I wanted to get more involved in these group MSTings I was participating in and so I plunged into this story ready to carve out my own piece of Guerin. It sure helped that this story was much shorter than the previous ones, only around 200KB before the riffs started pouring in. And then I read it. Having ADHD myself and also befriending several Special Ed students myself in my life, this was the first Guerin that actually offended me. When I turned my riffs in for the first draft, I included a wild rant to try and get some of the issues off my chest. Matt Blackwell, always the Fearless Leader, actually issued a sort of apology for the badness of the fanfic. Back to my involvement, I was quite pleased with how many of my jokes made it into the final MSTing. In particular, I was proud of the jokes I contributed about Pastor Armistead, the afore-mentioned singing preacher. As a musical buff, I couldn't resist quoting as many lyrics as I could from as many musicals as I could think of, even it meant I had to put the image in my head of the pastor in fishnets as Frank N' Furter. An enjoyable project, which gave me the confidence to forge ahead and organize the Love Bites MSTing. Mind you, I had no part in the riffing of the sex scene. I finally had the guts to read it when it was fully riffed for the final version of the MSTing, and I think I'm going to be afraid of sex for the rest of my life.

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Notice: eViL rEbO's rants are copyright(c) 1998-2003. The original stories are copyright to their original authors, and though they have not been used with permission, they fall under fair use for parody, though I sincerely doubt that any of the original authors even care. Take anything from here without permission and suffer the consequences. eViL rEbO is scary when she's mad. Okay, she's scary 24/7, but she's even worse when she's mad.